it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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