Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
