Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize