I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pants are for mortals
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
