lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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