I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
