I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize