I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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