im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
