Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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