help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
