I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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