And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize