I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
