Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
is wine microwaveable?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
