and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
