Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
