How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize