Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Randomize
