Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
