Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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