since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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