I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
