OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
