I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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