please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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