You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
