you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
