Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
