My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
