i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
