3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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