I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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