I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize