You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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