I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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