At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize