I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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