Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
