I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Terrible idea I love it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
