after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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