So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
