Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
