the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
