try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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