census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
