I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
