Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
