and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
