I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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