we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
