I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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