My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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