we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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