Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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