forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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