either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
