I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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