My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
