I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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