My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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