Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize