i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
