i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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