it's like iHOP with fire
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
