I've blown a few things in my day
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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