He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
