i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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