Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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