I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
