I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
