jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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