Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
