he was CRYING into my vagina
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
