He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
