Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize