I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize