My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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