If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
