He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
