Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
be right there i have to get my cape
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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