someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
