Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
