On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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