What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
