'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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