why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
