DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You ruined the universe
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