So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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