yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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