FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
