i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
