we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
