I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize