I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
