I wish you could order shots online.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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