yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
