Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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