isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
