i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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