Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my liver is dry heaving
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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