Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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