he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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