I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
