That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
