Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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