Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
