this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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