we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
