If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
