So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
