the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
