remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
