chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
