I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
