I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
