3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
